When you’re head over patterned ankle booties for your new boo, it’s natural to want to share your happiness with your #girlgang /gang of all genders. If the sex is bomb, the dates are sweet, and your boo is making you feel all sorts of emotionally supported, it’s no wonder you’d want to spill the gooey details. But knowing the time, place, and words to say you’ve DTR’d, can be confusing, even for a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants level of friends. The fear of attending all your friends’ weddings sans a plus-one might send you on a right-swiping spree, but there’s no need to panic.
Here Are 8 Ways To Tell Whether You’re Dating Or Just Hanging Out
Try to be your old lighthearted self – the one that she knows so well – and not let the pressures of the situation make you too serious. If you don’t want to reveal your feelings directly, try subtly hinting by flirting, giving them personal compliments, and touching them more often than you would touch a platonic friend. But in most cases, they won’t know for sure how you feel unless you tell them directly. It’s easy to assume that two people who get on well as friends would also make good partners, but this isn’t always true.
First and foremost, know that it’s normal for friendships to go through conflict—and not liking your person’s person definitely constitutes a conflict. To keep the quality of the friendship in tip-top shape, it’s important to work through those with just as much intention and attention as you would with romantic relationships. “Having open communication is important when it comes to dating status,” relationship coach and therapist Anita Chlipala, L.M.F.T., tells Bustle.
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They will open up to you because they trust you more and want you to trust them that same way. A friend interested in you romantically will go out of their way. Not only will they congratulate you on a promotion, but they may throw a party for you or help you accomplish your goals however they can.
For example, they could say you promised to go to the cinema with them and you stood them up, when that conversation never happened. “They want all your time, so it’s a very codependent PlayDate customer support kind of friendship,” she said. While breakups are never easy, a split with someone who started as a friend can feel like a double loss, especially if they’re more emotionally invested.
You and your beau should be clear with each other about your expectations. If one of you wants a serious relationship and the other does not, things will probably not work out. Let your friends in on your changed status, as well, especially if they are mutual friends. Keeping them in the dark may make it seem as though you hiding something, or make for added complications. If the two of you aren’t likely to be a good match, telling your friend how you feel might have no payoff. If you are struggling to behave normally around your friend because you have a crush on them, you may be tempted to tell them how you feel, even if they aren’t single.
A rejection can free you to eventually open up your heart to someone who feels the same about you. If your friend reciprocates your feelings, it’s natural to feel happy and look forward to having them as your boyfriend or girlfriend. But at this stage, you can’t know whether you and your friend are romantically compatible.
Let’s face it, you’re more physical with your best friend than any average pair of BFFs. Your hugs linger, you find yourself playing with your hair when you talk to them, and you regularly break the touch barrier. A friend trying to hint at their feelings for you may touch you more often than usual.
Once you see the signs between being friend zone or interested, it’s clear. As someone who’s seasoned in the friend zone as both a giver and receiver, I want to share with you some wisdom of understanding the “friend zone or interested” conundrum. I’ve spent years chasing guys who played me, and all I did was get hurt and waste my time. However she reacts, keep in mind your desire to preserve the friendship. Holding this intention throughout the conversation will help you to be receptive to her response, whether or not it’s what you hoped to hear.
In effect, when figuring out how to tell your friend you like her, it’s more of a “show” and not “tell.” You show her you like her with your actions throughout the whole friendship. Subtle gestures on your part can help to gently shift the dynamic between you two. So when you do let her know how you feel, it won’t feel like a bomb’s being dropped out of nowhere.
You can tell her that you have been going on a lot of dates before meeting her but plan to take a break to see how things go with her. She should at least respect your honesty and hopefully see that you have serious intentions and are not just another #& Boy. They may also be more protective if the woman is a co-worker because the intermediary doesn’t want to mess up their work environment with your garbage relationship antics. The benefit of a friend of a friend is that you can get some early intel.
If this person makes your friend happy and isn’t an asshole at their core, it’s probably OK for your friend to date them, even if they are a total loud chewer. The right person for your friend might not be the right person for you, or even a person you want to be friends with. When this type of more intimate touching happens between friends and is “prevalent, natural and reciprocated,” your friend likely feels the same, Armstrong says.
“Even if it’s a dinner two months out, get it on the calendar and make sure that everybody commits to it, so you have something to look forward to,” Carr says. Plus, as she points out, one social engagement usually begets more. “After you’re done, you’re like, ‘We had so much fun, let’s do it again.’ And you put another on the calendar,” she says. A few years ago, most if not all of my friends were single. On any given weeknight, I’d meet with one or five of them for a drink, and we’d swap stories about bad dates, bad sex, and bad crushes who refused to give us the time of day.
Your friend will definitely start bringing up controversial and in-depth topics just to get your opinion on it if they like you. So while you are trying to find the signs, consider what you are going to do about it once you figure it out. This has since become a Christmas tradition in our family, and as such, has deterred me from ever jumping the gun on introducing a significant other to my family unless I’m absolutely sure he’s worth it. Even if it’s just a matter of grabbing a drink together before you make your way to the bedroom, you’re more than likely dating.